He said to me, "You are my servant, in whom I will display my splendor."
But I said, "I have labored to no purpose; I have spent my strength in vain and for nothing. Yet what is due me is in the Lord's hand, and my reward is with my God."


Augh. I'm so constantly baffled by the depth of God's love, that he would want me as his child, want to involve me in his kingdom work. Incomprehensible. I wish, I want to be able to earn his favor -- it makes so much more sense to my small mind. And a small mind indeed I have, a small understanding of God big love that overwhelms the measly walls that I put up because I want to control how much of his love I take at a time. Silly me.

I suppose this is why Paul prays so vehemently that the Ephesians, being rooted and established in love, may have power, together with all the Lord’s holy people, to grasp how wide and long and high and deep is the love of Christ, and to know this love that surpasses knowledge—that [they] may be filled to the measure of all the fullness of God. And so I pray in supplication for myself:

- For what end do I labor? Where do I spend my strength? Help me to point it back to you, God. Your glory and honor and praise. In everything -- You first, then others, then me.
- To bear fruit of peace this week. Especially with lots of phone calls and decisions to make for the summer and condo repairs/purchases and packing up and moving in and setting up house. To have a joyful and thankful attitude because I have already been so blessed in this process, even though big decisions = big responsibility, and I am not the most reliable/responsible person I could/should be.
- To be a good steward of time and resources in this process, too.
- To love, and to accept love, so that I can slowly gain a better understanding of your love that surpasses knowledge.

Also, a big praise for good timing. Reading through Isaiah recently has been hard, because there's so much I don't understand about what's going on in back-story and I am unsettled by proclamations of coming destruction though I know in my head that it is all an execution of God's justice in his good timing and it must be right and good because He is a righteous and good God. These verses today were a comforting reassurance of my place in this world (re-focusing, re-settling):
- Who am I in this world? His servant.
- What is my purpose? To be a vehicle displaying His splendor.
- But what if I have failed, messed up, wasted my time? What is due me is in His hand, and my reward is with Him. Thank goodness these things are not up to me.
Amen.

Mm and it's beautiful outside today. I'm going to go out and study and enjoy being in his beautiful creation. =D No need to be cooped up inside todayyyyyy wheeee sooo happpeeeee -- thank you God for the gift of BEAUTIFUL days. beautiful beautiful beautiful. because you are beautiful! i love you.